How To Talk To Teens About Dating: Godly Guidance That Helps At Any Age

Now, this is the topic every parent tackles sooner or later. So, when our teenager asks us to talk about dating, here is what we share and how we guide our kids on relationships.

Even though our girls are not allowed to date anytime soon, she had many questions. She was like:

What does dating entail?
What does the Bible say about dating?
What are the values of dating?

She had a ton of questions. One thing about her is that she will ask 15 questions in 2 minutes. So, we are here to deliver on this request. The purpose of this blog is to share the advice we give our children and mentees. These are the essential things for dating (in our household).

No Labels, No Rules?

I asked our 15-year-old what her take on Gen Z dating was and what some things she noticed about people dating in her day. Here is what she said:

“They just want sex; It’s all about the body. I noticed people really know how to pretend. It makes me think about this line in Blank Space by Taylor Swift, “find out what you want, be that person for a month.” And it’s not just the boys, it’s the girls too. The boys are deceiving, and the girls are manipulative. No one takes anything seriously. They don’t care about value, only surface-level stuff.”

Oh, How the Times Have Changed!

Oof. Gen Z, what do you all have going on?

But honestly, it’s not just Gen Z who’s dating has changed. Dating has been shifting for a while now. It is even harder to date in high school with so many different influences, trends, and outside noise.

Oh, how times have changed. In the old days, people met through social circles—we hear stories of how people met through friends, family, and even some blind dates. Today we have dating apps and sliding in DMs. Courting isn’t as common now. Today, it’s about sex and intimacy before marriage. And really, we don’t even have a marriage mindset. We’re content with dating and being live-in girlfriends and boyfriends.

There is the lost art of getting to know each other, our dreams, or building together. Instead, we’re more independent and driven to do our own thing. At the same time, this isn’t bad—because God created us uniquely with different gifts, talents, callings, and passions. The Bible might not use the terms we do—like “dating” or “courtship”—but it guides us on how to handle relationships before marriage. I love how “Got Questions” answers our questions on dating and courtship.

Male & Female He Created Them

Today’s conversation is not about men and women but is essential. Now, I am not one to discredit the trials and tribulations women have faced or advocate that our primary role is to be homekeepers. However, God’s stance on the function of men and women hasn’t changed just because the times have changed. He’s not a wishy-washy God who changes to fit the mold of culture. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forevermore (Hebrew 13:8).

“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created Him; male and female He created them.” – Genesis 1:27

This verse tells us that men and women are created in equal value and dignity in His image.

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” – Genesis 2:18

Women are described as “helpers” to men, and more times than not, we misunderstand what God Himself meant. Somewhere, we have perceived “helper” to mean lesser.

From the very beginning, she’s played a key role in God’s work—helping bring order, beauty, and generations that reflect His image and bring Him endless glory. She’s a powerful partner.

If you ever wrestled with the idea of being called a “helper”? I recommend checking out Why Would God Call Me’Helper’? The Modern Struggle with Womanhood by Adrien Segal. It’s a rich and honest exploration of womanhood from a biblical perspective.

Okay, I got off track. We’ll talk about the function of men and women and husband and wives soon—which is quite unpopular today. But then again, so are many things of God.

Let’s Get to Dating

What Is Dating?

I learned so many dating terms while researching for this blog—like the term breadcrumbing, which means “someone who sends occasional flirtatious messages to keep someone interested but has no plans of committing.” We also have more familiar terms like ghosting, situationship, entanglements, cuffing/cuffing season, and the friend zone.

We all have been friendzoned at some point in our dating experiences. These are just a few common dating terms today. For this conversation, we are going to use this working definition:

Dating is when a guy and girl intentionally explore a romantic connection—committed, exclusive, and with long-term potential in mind, not just something seasonal or casual.

Start With Self-Reflection

Disclaimer Alert: Heads up—this blog is full of real questions. The kind that makes you pause, reflect, and get honest with yourself. Take your time. Answer them. Let’s check in with who you are and who you’re becoming.

These are a few questions we challenge our teens with:

Who are you?
How would you describe yourself?
How would you rate your emotional maturity and overall maturity?
Do you love yourself?
What do you like and dislike?
What do you value? What’s important to you—and why?

I want them to be able to explain and identify these things. Because here’s the thing—if you don’t know yourself and your value, you will settle for anything. The danger is that the person, world, or trends will tell you who you are. Before you start dating, you must have security within yourself and who you are.

Identify the Purpose?

What’s the purpose of this relationship?
Can you see this as a long-term relationship?
Are you dating with the intention of marriage?

Why Them?

Exploring what draws you to this person.

What do you like about this person?
Why are you drawn to them?
Can you see yourself in a relationship with this person—not just on the surface level, but something that blossoms?
What value are you adding to each other?
What are your similarities? Do you share the same hobbies?

Here’s the thing: the main mistakes we make is ignoring red flags. We see flaws; we know they don’t match our values, but we accept them anyway. We normalize bad behavior and mistreatment, and we be foolish to accept that telling ourselves, “That’s just who they are.” But that mindset will cost you.

Relationship Must Be Vetted

Let’s be clear—not everyone is qualified to be in a relationship with you. And truth is, you’re not qualified for everyone either. We can’t confuse chemistry with purpose or trauma bonds with love. Choose people who add value to your life—emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. That includes friendships, too. And if you’re the smartest person in the room, find a new room.

Ask yourself:

Do they challenge you?
Do they hold you accountable or just let you do foolishness?
Are the people around you accountable, reliable, and loyal?

The truth is that you manifest the reality of the top five people you associate with.

Dating 101: Entry-Level Questions Every Teen Should Consider

Seek to understand the person because it’ll show you the “why” behind their choices and what’s shaping those choices.

What are you passionate about?
What are some things you’re into? (i.e. books, movies, shows, music)
What problem in the world do you want to solve?
What are your hobbies?

Ask questions around your core values:

How do you feel about Jesus?
How’s your relationship with your parents?

The person’s relationship with their parents will tell you a lot. It gives you a gauge of the person. It’s not everything but part of their makeup.

Do you feel safe, seen, and heard by this person?
What are you passionate about?
What are your thoughts on friendships?
What are your thoughts on relationships?
Tell me about your childhood.
Tell me about your culture.
What are your thoughts on academics?

Say This, Not That

The art of fun and engaging first date talks…ask good questions.

What’s a random fun fact most people don’t know about you?
Do you believe learning can only come from school or other forms?
What’s your go-to comfort food or favorite snack?
Would you rather be famous on TikTok or win a million dollars anonymously?
If you could design your own holiday, what would people celebrate?

Create a scenario.

You’re not looking for a right or wrong answer—you’re seeing how they process and think.

Example: “There is a kid, a pastor, and a thug in the street. Who do you hit?

So do they say “hit the brakes” even though you didn’t mention them?

And That’s a Wrap

BONUS: Find Someone You Respect

Someone you can honor.
Someone who is honorable.
Someone who challenges you and makes you better.
Someone you can look up to.
Someone you listen to—because you value what they say. Their words matter to you.

Relationships and connections matter. They’re the very thing God uses to launch you into your purpose. I am super excited for you to check out next week’s blog about strategic destiny helpers!

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Thank You

We hope you loved exploring this topic with us. We pray it blessed you to surrender, dwell, and abide in God’s Presence. Now, it’s your turn; which question stood out most to you? Which one will you ask someone today? Drop a comment below, and let’s keep the conversation going! We can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

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